Naughty Uses of Food

Since today is Thanksgiving, I figured I’d talk about using food in your sex life. Most people fail at this miserably so let me offer some of my suggestions to a sexy and naughty use of food.


Why Food?

We are sensory creatures but we often ignore them. We focus on our sight mostly and tend to ignore everything else. It’s a simple fact that the more senses you can engage in an experience the better it will be. This is why porn falls flat for most women. It only engages two of our senses. Hearing and Seeing. Food offers a way to add a new sensory experience in the bedroom.


Have you ever tried to do something while too full? It’s highly unpleasant. It’s actually why my husband and I have skipped dinner in our dating regimen. We’re simply too full afterward to enjoy anything. So we’ll sometimes share a plate, or get a dessert if we plan on eating. The same goes for sex.

Sex isn’t going to happen if you’re too full. Or if it does, it will only be at something like 30% capacity and suck. And not in the good way.

Food and Body Parts

Most people think that if they’re going to use food in the bedroom, they’re gonna lick it off of something. That’s awesome! Do that. BUT…

Sugar doesn’t go anywhere near the vagina! Vaginas are literally their own ecosystems. If you put sugar in there you feed the bad yeast and of course can cause a wicked nasty yeast infection.

Have you ever had Mexican food “burn twice”? So yeah, keep anything spicy off your body. In fact, if you eat something spicy you might not want to go near someones soft bits for a while.

Also, sticky food can ruin the mood if it’s too sticky. So go sparingly.

Try Subtle First

One of the sexiest things my husband ever did for me was to feed me chocolate while I was naked and blindfolded. That’s it. I honestly probably didn’t even have to be naked for it to be sexy. I was dripping wet by the end of that and wanted more. I’m a sucker for candy.

Perhaps you can blindfold your partner and ask them to identify the food. If they’re right, they get a kiss. You don’t have to go hardcore fetish to make food a sexy part of your life.

The Hardcore Fetish

There’s the running joke of the middle-aged mom who bought a copy of 50 Shades of Grey and one cucumber at the store. That’s it. Have I used vegetables as a sex toy? Perhaps. Have I learned some of these things the hard way? Who’s to say.

But there are several fruits and vegetables that are safe to use in and around your secret parts — in particular, carrots, cucumbers, and zucchinis. But make sure that everything is washed properly to avoid irritation. You don’t want pesticide in your hoo-haw.
Also, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, make sure that the food is one piece and that nothing can break off inside the body. There are some really horrendous images you can google about people getting stuff broken off inside their body. You don’t want to end up in the ER with a banana stuck up your snatch.

A good disaster prevention technique is to place a condom over anything you plan to insert into your orifices, just to be safe. This is actually what I do. The bumps on a big cucumber . . . they work. They work.

Be Thankful

I hope you have a great holiday and you can take advantage of some more alone time with your significant other. And of course, make sure everything is consensual and willing. Have a horny holiday.

By The Lady Meredith

Author and Advocate for a sex-positive lifestyle for all people.

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